Hard

It's been one of those months. The last month I mean. It's been hard to say the least. REALLY hard.

Nothing going my way.

Struggling with a number of things.

Saying goodbye to someone I've loved for 4 years. And it wasn't a pretty goodbye either...

My own sibling hates me. We could even pluralize that.

It's funny how people's perception of me and my life is so far from the truth. I mean, how easy could it possibly be to be a single parent. Raising two kids by yourself. With NO help. I mean come on! It's probably the hardest thing I've ever done. It's rewarding don't get me wrong, but it's also very thankless. Can you imagine how hard it is being the disciplinarian and the nurturer all at the same time? Overcompensating because there is only one parent around (and you feel you have to)? Having your every move critisized?

I was recently told that a certain someone didn't understand why I had it so easy when they lived their life "right". EASY? HA! I may get some help from my parents, and it's never financial help. But lets be honest here...I work hard for everything I have and my kids have. Damn hard. Today alone, I got my happy self up to drop my kids off by 6:30am, being sick and had been up all night coughing, worked 8 hours, and then after work took my daughter to the doctor (where we waited for almost an hour before being seen), came home, fixed dinner, picked up the house, gathered laundry to get it started, paid some bills...and that was all before 7pm. I still have almost 2 hours left before my kids go to bed and I can finally have a minute to myself before going to bed myself. And by then, I still have to clean up from dinner, pack bags for tomorrow, clean up after the kids yet *again*, fold 3 loads of laundry, and lay in bed conversating with myself about my day. Ya, you're right, easy. Super easy. Now I'm not saying that there aren't moms out there that do the same as me day in and day out, but there is a difference, I hope you realize that.

And did I mention that I'm sick? Like on my deathbed sick. I have never been so miserable in my entire life!

OK, so enough of my pity party. Just had some feelings to get off my chest.